Patience

It seems like any time I plan something, things change. Today, I had plans to do overdue shopping, for instance. But, my pain level is telling me I need to stay home. Sometimes it’s a weather issue that an event is cancelled or postponed. Other times it’s finances that keep something from happening.

It used to be that no matter what, I could power through it. I’d work two to three jobs or one job with major overtime. And still manage to do shopping, laundry, family and friends outings, etc. These days, powering through earns me a trip to the ER.

So I’ve learned how to wait. For a Type A personality, that’s the worst word ever.

But I’ve learned some coping tips that I’ll share and maybe you’ll share yours with me. We’re all in this life together and while our circumstances aren’t the same, we still have the same feelings and reactions.

First of all, I treat every day like it’s a present waiting to be opened. I think I know what’s inside, but do I? Usually not. Learning to appreciate and not be disappointed when the day’s not what I’d expected brings joy. There’s a joy in everything if you take the time (and have the attitude of appreciation so you can see the joy). Depression can steal that joy so don’t wait too long to seek help if you can’t make your way out of that dark hole.

When I woke up today, I knew I wasn’t going to have a good morning because the pain was there. But, as I lay in bed and looked at the sun and shadows on my walls, couldn’t help but smile. My walls are a goldish yellow and it changes in shade. No part of the wall ever looks the same as another. It’s constantly changing.

So I learned from that and now I constantly change. My expectations and plans change. Since I won’t be leaving my house for a few hours, at least, I’m going to fill that time with soaking in the beauty of my house. The walls, the shadows from the blinds, souvenirs I’ve picked up from all over the world, pictures of places I’ve been, photos of my family, etc. I don’t live in the past but I sure do enjoy revisiting some of it. There are parts I don’t like to visit but they made me who I am so it’s not healthy not to go back in time and examine those times.

Another way I deal with unexpected changes and disappointments is to find something else to occupy myself with that makes me happy. I do a lot of crafts and while the ultimate goal is to set up a booth at a craft fair and sell these items, realistically, I know I may never be well enough to do so. It doesn’t stop me from creating and planning, though. There’s always tomorrow, the next day, the next month, the next year… I want to be ready for whenever that time occurs.

When you aren’t able to work a real job, you have to fill your days with meaning. It would be easy (for someone else, it’s not in my DNA) to sit around and watch tv all day. I do watch tv, I binge watch entire series (I’m watching “Blacklist” at the moment) but I’m a multitasker to the extreme. I never read just one book, I have three or four around the house I’m reading. (Right now, I’m reading ‘Two O’clock, Eastern Wartime’ by John Dunning; ‘Secret Rooms’ by Catherine Bailey; and ‘The War Against Miss Winter by Kathryn Miller Haines.) I sew, crochet, go through flower catalogs and plan gardens that may or may not ever materialize, scroll around online, etc. It’s important to keep your mind active and challenge it. Game apps are a real weakness. I can play games and watch tv all day and be perfectly happy. Till the sun goes down and I realize that’s all I did all day! But, I was doing things that entertained me and that’s ok. It’s just the Type A that says it’s wasteful if I’m not producing something tangible at the end of the day.

The key to keeping myself happiest is to be able to see something I’ve accomplished. Whether it’s as simple as cooking something special, doing laundry and putting it away, seeing completed crafts in a pile at the end of the day, or finishing a book. There’s real satisfaction in knowing you didn’t just sit on a couch all day.

My happiest times are times I spend with my family and friends. My daughter and husband built my house in their yard just for me. So, there are many times there’s a loved one’s face at my door’s window. My granddaughters come for a hug or to tell me their problems. We talk and play games, cuddle and then they head for home. Other times, it’s the dogs at my door. Every single day, I find joy outside my windows. (Hence the name of my blog)

Writing brings me great pleasure, also. Just sharing in this blog has eased my disappointment and now I’m ready to see what else I can do until this pain eases up some. Think I’m in the mood for the mystery of ‘Two O’clock, Eastern Wartime’.

Hope you’re all having a wonderful day!

Published by

Sandra Davenport Collins

Mother of three girls, two son-in-laws. Grandma to two boys and two girls along with four dogs and four cats. Living life fully with Chronic Pancreatitis and Fibromyalgia.

2 thoughts on “Patience”

  1. Sorry today didn’t turn out the way you hoped. It’s true that none of us really knows what life has in store. All we can control is how we respond—not always easy! I hope tomorrow is a better day.

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  2. Since I haven’t always responded to changes well in the past, I’m working hard at being positive and figuring out ways to cope. I felt mild disappointment this morning but moved on quickly and had a very good day. Usually how that works out.

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